March 24
Beside tta padz
1130 pm.

Strange. Lights are out now but cant help myself but blog. Deep sadness overwhelmed me. Marco opened my email account again. Hell do i care about that account. I hardly open it but he did. And he dicovered another heartbreaking truth. He found the picture of John, which i sent to Thea and Ann.

Ah! John. He looks ok but he's not the right person who can give you emotional security. Jun or Mark or whoever he is.... He knows how to fool a woman with his sweet name-callings. Yet hes a typical promiscuos man. He's a maniac, liar, aggressive, manipulative, and who knows... a psychopath.

Then there was charlz. What a hooker he is and he doesnt deny that. He's a child of a Marcos-crony who inherited the latter's deceptive nature. Thus, he's a con man too. I dont know why i allowed myself to be fooled by him several times.

My dear Marco. He is unique. Special. He is so precious to me coz hesthe only one who is capable of loving me for what i am and not for what he hopes i should be. I love him so much that somethimes my love for him sometimes becomes sinful as I tend to ignore God's lovefor me. He has a very complex personality. Possessive, an awfully insecure individual whose words are as sharp as a sword. Though he fills me with so much love, he also breaks my heart into pieces with his cowardice. One argument with him and my world becomes shattered. He drives me crazy and yes im in love with him.

But i cant let go! I promised i would never leave him. I never did albeit he claimed that i always leave him when the truth is he broke up with me about a hundred times. I dont know what keeps me holding on. I feel like im a leech clinging onto him or a parasite dependent on him and our relationship.

I love him so much. Hes more handsome than any of d guys who fooled me. He's the only faithful guy i know. He doesn't have a job yet but he's abundant with love. His sweetness is addictive despite my struggle with his tantrums.

Dear God. Forgive me for loving him much. Help me to help him and myself. I know you have a purpose for making our paths cross. No matter what happens, regardless of the pain, I thank you for blessing my life with him.

klouise danced at 10:26 PM