A Happy Birthday or Unbirthday to Marco

Hes a man who makes believe that he has no birthday. Ironically, he ceaselessly drinks to celebrate it. And we had a fight. People wonder if we really are still together because of the numerous break ups we made. Its crazy but im really trying to be here for him as a shoulder to lean on whether we are together or not.

I gave Con an update on the 'relationship' and how i contributed to his negative feelings regarding his unworthiness. Guess im already used to it now. Hehe funny i fell asleep while talking to con and she was again annoyed by it :)

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Retreat....!

Ive been trampled for so long and i have allowed myself to be reduced to nothingness because of fear- fear of independence, fear of failure and criticisms. I found myself a victim of what Rollo May described as the fear of independence, the greatest fear mostly experienced by women in contrast to men's 'fear of dependence.'After i broke up with my ex bf in a 7-year relationship, i entered into several virtual relationships. they were all fleeting except for a peculiar relationship with marco which stressfully tore me into pieces after more than a hundred breakups and reconciliations. I have loved. i have trusted. i have spent an awful lot in my search for emotional security. yet, i still found myself alone and broken. IM TIRED OF CHASING AFTER RAINBOWS.I have recently heard a strong assurance.. from God. when He said..."I will never abandon you nor forsake you. What can man do to you? "