its been a week since marco and i talked. i moped, i cried and even grieved with the thought that hes dying. hes sick and i cant even comfort him or cheer him up or eliminate all the negativism in his system. con called and she comforted me a bit but i cant take away the pang of sadness within me.

holy week passed, my brother came home my grandfather died and marco hasnt showed up. I came home from d funeral parlor, had some chit chat and spent a wholesome discussion with my nun lola. i was almost convinced to join the ministry that i wanted to register my name on her list but i know i cant. there's marco. i love him. i need him and he needs me. my vocation is with him.

but when i arrived home. another fight for another discovery. this time i dont know if i could bear the pain. he knew about the friendster. i didnt tell him because hes an awfully jealous person and mere male friends mean boyfriends to him. i cant blame him though because of my past mistakes. yet i just cnt penetrate his thoughts. he perceives invertedly.

i dont knwo what to do. i dont know how to overcome the pain. he wants to kill himself. he feels like the pain im causing him would kill him any minute from now. Lord, help me i dont know what to do. i run out of defenses. but i mean what i said. i have no other boyfriend. i am faithful to him, if faithfulness means loving only one person and holding one person dearly to your heart. i could boast of my faithfulness then.

i dont know. i need to lock myself up in my room. listen to my favorite religious songs and weep till i have no tears left.

tomorrow ill confront the abayon hearing. i think God is so stubborn towards me. hes calling me to be a nun. i cant. i want to marry marco.


klouise danced at 12:10 AM