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| Wednesday, August 31, 2005 |
 Crossroad What a great feeling to be with my bestfriend once again after such a long time of plowing our own fields. Although we meet and talk once in awhile but not as we have really opened up our anxieties during dinner this evening. I thought she has turned into a materialistic, money-driven ogre from a lowly and optimistic person that i have known her to be. But she's back! Thanks to Jinky who radiated her own life realization to her sister. I miss her. The old times... riding a bike in the narrow city streets, hiking, talking for hours... Thank God He made me human again. I shouldnt hide in my cocooon for too long. There are so many good things in the world to enjoy. Things that reflect God's glory. Together we dont look like bestfriends but like sisters. It will be fun with Mimi too. I havent crossed her path lately. klouise danced at 11:21 PM |
| Tuesday, August 30, 2005 |
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what happened to my blog? somethings wrong klouise danced at 12:43 PM |
| Monday, August 29, 2005 |
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Auf Wiedersehen I can't imagine saying goodbye to marco. It's as difficult as breaking a habit that you are already addicted to. Apart from the emotional attachment, its unbearable to think what he could do to himself. Guilt is more than a torture for leaving marco is comparable to killing a human being. Tonight i will finally break up with him especially that Con, his bestfriend thinks its the wisest thing to do to alleviate his situation. How shall i say it? I am too transparent to ever hide anything. What will happen to me after tonight? No one will wait for me from work everyday anymore or call me in the middle of the night and listen to my snores. Tonight i would be alone... again just as i had been many many years before. Oh no! Hes here! What shall i say? klouise danced at 9:17 PM |
 Moving ForwardIm moving on.... I wont push myself on anyone anymore. Im leaving the past behind including whats not meant for me at present. Life's like that. You cant take more than a handful of what you want. Instead, you just need to learn to appreciate the world around you and share yourself rather than expect to have a share of other people's life. Introspection has sometimes made me selfish. I should focus on how i can be of help to others now and take care of myself at the same time. There are just so many things that need to be done at such very limited time. Time... is the greatest friend and enemy of my life. klouise danced at 12:56 PM |
| Wednesday, August 24, 2005 |
 A Dig-Dug Pit How many hearts do I have? why do i easily fall in love? An ample of attention here, a little wheedling there and my hypothalamus is already flattered. Marco is back but hes still unreachable and our time difference is markedly becoming a great barrier to our relationship. On the otherhand, mark is always online. He is again ideal with his conservatism and cautious behavior. The problem is... he is not looking at me but merely on the screen on his computer while he is resolving either an endless technical program or his ambivalence towards his dream and the characters he wishes to compose his future life story. Sigh! I am still invisible. Im musing on the effect of my daily contact with him. (Music in my ear) Could it be Janno singing? or is this just another one of my wishful thinking? Indeed, i am such a humanist. Believing in the innate goodness of men, i see most of them as ideal yet many of them do not fit in to my utopic standards. Cowmon! Know what you really want first and "be careful with what you ask for......" klouise danced at 10:42 PM |
| Thursday, August 18, 2005 |
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Dear Me... Its been a long time I havent left a note as it seemed to me that Introspection only trapped me in my thoughts Away from the world of reality Yet sometimes youre the only one there together with my music and the angel who watches over me while my friends are busy with their babies and hubbies I find it more appropriate to blog than drown em with my musings What am i doing? I dont know how to write poetry anymore I think there is a wall that blocks my unconscious Yet i am blogging.... to let you know im okay klouise danced at 11:55 PM |
| Thursday, August 11, 2005 |
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Inhaling the Bright Light First: Read the Purpose Driven Life Thanks to em. He taught me the key ingredient to commence a new phase of change into my life. Via Veritas Vita.... God is my Way... the Only Way, Truth and Life... Why is it so difficult to follow You, Lord? Second: The Bible Ive read quite a lot of self-help books and even recently added a few websites into my bookmarks. Yet nothing could give a better source of strength and wisdom than God does in the Bible. Funny ive been looking for Him for such a long time, not realizing that He has been with me all the time... Talked to me most of the time... slept on Him... ignored Him.... leaned on Him.... through the Bible... Thank you Lord for always being here with me. Thank you for your counsels and all the comfort during the times of my afflictions. Give me the perseverance to know more about you and to listen to you through your Words. Third: Reaching Out Hmmmmm.......... the line is busy... Fourth: Get more inspirations from other people's experiences and published knowledge. Ok... Im reading...I know Im just too lazy to do anything but i promise i will read and read Fifth: Know Thyself Im befriending my self..........shhhh......... klouise danced at 11:06 PM |
| Tuesday, August 09, 2005 |
 Brown Butterfly klouise danced at 11:12 PM |
| Thursday, August 04, 2005 |
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Follow The Yellow Brick Road I think... I want to be chaste... Is there still a room for me? in this world where naivete is unconventional or perhaps antisocial in the precepts of men? I feel lost and perplexed. If only i could easily go on with life without a tinge of guilt in my conscience then life wouldnt be so difficult at all in fact, i am already troubled with guilt for i am not a saint either. But i wish someone is here to guide me on which road to choose Yes the Bible is there, pip is there, em pops up and goes...... would life be too boring if im confined with the rules? would it become onerous if i obey whats in store in my id? Sigh. Which one is it? klouise danced at 6:12 PM |
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